


The Convenience of Being Fragile

by readytobebolder



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar!Mollymauk, Denial of Feelings, Depressed!Caleb, Domestic Widomauk, Emotionally Repressed, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Learning To Be Parents, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, Talk of Human Trafficking (mild), Undercover as a Couple, exotic dancing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:11:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytobebolder/pseuds/readytobebolder
Summary: Agent Caleb Widogast and Agent Mollymauk Tealeaf are the best the M9's got. Their mission? Uncover the web of human trafficking that Lorenzo Ortiz hides beneath the small American town of Pittshill and take the entire market down - and hopefully, Trent Ikithon too.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of gave up on SHS. Dont' have hopes for this because prologue already sucks but I had to get it out.

Antwerp was quiet at this time of the day and Caleb found himself looking out the window of his bookstore with a twinge of delight as the night came, a blanket of calm and stillness falling around the city he so loved. The street lights came to life soon enough, illuminating the front display of  _ Boeken & Antiek. _

Nina Simone sang inside his shop via the old record player he’d kept from the last time he’d gone to Berlin and he closed his eyes for a moment, elbow on the counter of the front desk of his shop, Frumpkin’s little collar bell reminding him that he wasn’t really alone. The gritty sound made his jaw unclench and his shoulders drop, a sigh rolling off his lips.

It felt good to take a break from the rush of clients, the German human unused to so many customers. It was nearing the winter holidays and he supposed people wanted to find quirky and different presents during the celebrations. 

Another Hanukkah spent alone with his cat in a Belgian city. He should probably get his menorah out but the thought of celebrating anything in an empty house by himself left him feeling empty and drained already. Best not to try and pretend everything was alright.

The front door opened and Caleb opened his eyes.

“Nice shop,” the elf who walked in smiled, their hand pulling off their hat before they left it on top of the counter, in front of Caleb, whose eyes were dead serious as he looked at them. “Very vintage. Nott did always say you took the hipster vibe a bit further than normal.”

“Hello, Bryce,” Caleb sighed, speaking English for the first time in four years, straightening his back and moving to the door to open it. “And goodbye, Bryce.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” they tutted, pushing their long hair out of their face, opening up their coat with a hum. “I thought we could have a nice little chat. Talk about the old days. And maybe new days. You busy?”

“Bryce,” Caleb began slowly, putting down the blinds, petting Frumpkin as he passed the cat and moving to his record player to turn it off. “I’m retired. I’ve earned my right to.”

“It’s one last job,” Bryce leaned back against the counter, taking one of the candelabra sitting there and inspecting it. “Just a little thing. You can’t make much in an antique store. We could pay you enough for you to run this for the rest of your life.”

“I’m doing fine,” Caleb lied, grabbing his cat and hugging him tightly, eyes on the streets and not on his former boss. “I don’t need money. I don’t need your jobs. If I take one, I’ll be stuck there once more, unable to move on. I can’t -”

“You’re out best agent,” Bryce pressed, leaving the antique back on his desk. 

“Was,” Caleb corrected. “I  _ was _ .”

“You took a break because you needed it, so what?” they shrugged. “I can tell you’re doing better.”

“Better than a psychiatric hospital and five different prescriptions?” Caleb said dryly. “Yes, absolutely better.”

Bryce sighed, looking up at the ceiling, nails tapping on the wooden desk. They needed him, it was obvious, but Caleb would be dead before he ended up working again in the M9. He wanted no more guns, no more lies, no more killing and risking his life only for everything to end up being a dead end. Useless. A waste of time and resources.

“This is important,” they tried again.

“Every mission is important,” Caleb replied.

“Okay, look, I’ll just,” Bryce interrupted gently, taking a manilla folder out and leaving it on the counter. “Put this here. You’ll look at it -”

“I won’t,” Caleb swallowed, eyes on the river, not on Bryce, never on Bryce. He couldn’t look at them.

“You’ll look at it,” Bryce repeated slowly. “And when you’re ready, you’ll come to us,” they sighed, staring at their spy. “Truly, Caleb, you - think about it, alright? You have a week.”

The elf gave his shoulder a pat and a squeeze, making Caleb wince before Bryce lef the shop, their figure fading into the darkness of the night as he just stayed there, watching the sky, heart racing. Frumpkin wiggled out of his arms and Caleb let him go, standing, unmoving. Anxiety rose up in his throat.

He wasn’t fooling anyone. He knew the M9 knew where he was at all times so he wasn’t exactly surprised that Bryce had walked into his quiet, miserable, lonely life in short heels and a mission for him. A part of him had decided that he could live with that, that he didn’t care who knew where he was or how his real name was Widogast and not Shmidt. And yet -

The manilla folder dropped the floor and Caleb cursed in German as Frumpking meowed, his little paw moving to his mouth as Caleb frowned at him.

“You know, this habit of throwing everything in my desk to the floor has to stop,  _ ja _ ?” he sighed, moving to grasp the files that had slipped out when a familiar face greeted him from between the pages, making his heart drop to the floor.

Oh no.

_ No _ .

“What?” he muttered as he quickly opened the folder, eyes wide, reading quick through the basic briefing of the mission,  _ top secret _ written on top of each paper. “No…”

There he was. 

There  _ they  _ were.

The three of them, staring at the camera, eyes dead except  _ his _ .

His hand slammed on the phone and he pressed the familiar numbers, blood pumping in his ears, hand clutching the paper with the picture of Trent Ikithon tightly.

“That was fast,” Bryce chuckled as they answered. “Changed your mind?”

“How is he alive?” Caleb asked, breathing heavily. “He should be dead, he was -”

“They’re good,” the elf replied, now seriously. “But we’re better. There’s a market on human trafficking in an American small town and we think we can track Ikithon through it. Lorenzo Ortiz is your target. You and another agent will be assigned this mission undercover. You’ll pose as a family new to the neighborhood and hopefully gain his trust enough to guarantee a safe conclusion.”

“Undercover,” he swallowed. “That’s why you need me.”

“You were the best, Widogast,” Bryce told him, dead-serious. “No one could charm them like you do. I hope that’s still in you.”

Caleb swallowed, hands shaking as he unclenched his fist and looked at his source of anxiety, the source of his trauma. He could catch him. He could finally kill this bastard and end it all. Once and for all.

“Get my ride ready,” Caleb Widogast, agent 005 of the M9 finally said. “I’m leaving tonight.”


	2. fallen countries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent 005 meets Agent 009.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Finally, here is the first chapter of the Convenience of Being Fragile! I'm super excited and I hope you guys are too!
> 
> Your comments about the prologue have been wonderful and so encouraging. Thank you so much for everything, for the feedback and the encouragement. Thank you.

The bass reverberated through the night, smoke covering most of the ceiling and floor from cigarettes and dry ice. Caleb winced as he stepped away from a sloppy couple, cocking an eyebrow at Bryce, who didn’t bat an eye as they called the bartender over and ordered two shots of the cheapest vodka.

“Be on the lookout,” they told him over the music, adjusting the skirt of their modest but not overly frumpy dress, passing him one shot. “They’ll be here.”

“How will I know who it is?” Caleb asked, already hating everything here - the music, the mass of people, the smell of alcohol and sweat and sex. He didn’t belong in here, his missions were often classier, harder to hide in. Mixing with the crowd in this place was easy and his eyes already made a path to the nearest exit were he and Bryce to be attacked. This wasn’t as fun as galas. 

“Oh, trust me,” Bryce threw back the shot, smiling at him before starting to make their way deeper into the club. “You’ll know!” they waved, not looking at him.

Caleb sighed, looking at the small glass in his hand for a moment. Not even an hour in Spain and he already wanted to leave. He drank the shot, winced and started to move around the crowd, hoping to find his would-be partner for the Iron Shepherds mission.

He didn’t know much about them but what Bryce had told him - agent 009, twenty three, young but  _ good _ . They excelled in entering the worst places and coming out unscratched, planting bugs and, best of all, seducing people for quiet assassinations. Caleb wasn’t versed in any of this - he was good at breaking and entering, in cleaning up tracks, in  _ fire _ . He didn’t do seduction. Which apparently was  _ very _ important if they wanted to take Lorenzo down as swiftly as they could. So Caleb needed  _ them _ , agent 009. 

A few people brushed his arms but he kept walking, ignoring a few women and men speaking in low Spanish. One of them, a fire genasi with way too many golden jewelry, glared at him intensely as he passed by. A druglord, probably, judging by the amount of guards he had surrounding him - three of them. Caleb quickly looked away and tried not to attract attention to himself.

He had to find them, get the hell out of here and start planning. He couldn’t be bothered with parties and clubs and scantily dressed people right now. Or ever.

“Where are you, where are you?” he muttered under his breath, narrowing his eyes as he neared one of the stripper’s stages, back against the edge, scanning the room. He had the best viewpoint from here and so he faked nonchalance easily, popping open the first button of his shirt, leaning back.

He would know, that’s what Bryce said. So why -

“Hey there,” a low, slightly accented voice purred on his ear and Caleb jumped, turning around, eyes wide at the tiefling who kneeled on the stage. “Looking for someone?”

Caleb’s entire body locked up tightly, his mouth going dry as soft talons ran through the slight opening of his shirt, the lavender tiefling running a ruby red tongue through their lips, the same color as their eyes.

“Hmmm, Bryce said you’d be handsome,” they laughed, pulling him closer as Caleb’s meticulous plan scattered all over the floor, Agent 009 slipping down the stage, hovering over him in high heels and scraps of clothing for a dress. “Didn’t know they meant  _ handsome _ .”

“Agent,” he tried, voice breaking, making the tiefling smirk and give him a little wink, their hips moving to the beat of the music.

“Please,” they purred, knees bending a little as their hand rubbed his chest, then ran up to his shoulder, holding on to it. “Call me Molly, honey, we’re about to be married, after all.”

“Yes, well, there’s still time until we’ve to pretend,” Caleb replied, leaning back slightly. “We don’t need to work right now.”

“ _ Au contraire _ , Agent Widogast,” they pushed him further back, Caleb’s steps unsure, the human yelping slightly as he fell on an empty couch and the tiefling straddled him. “I’m working as of now and you’re a  _ wonderful _ aid,” their face came close to his and Caleb felt his ears burning with embarrassment as they climbed up all over him. “My target is still alive.”

“Oh?” Caleb cocked an eyebrow, embarrassment flying out the window as he realised that this was just an act, and acting he could do. He immediately swept the room, smirking as he searched for Agent 009’s target. “Eight o-clock,” Caleb replied, brushing his lips against their jaw easily since he was focused on everything but them. The genasi walking over looked  _ pissed _ , three guards at his side, all of them bulky half-orcs in suits. “Fire genasi, right? He looks rather angry.”

“You’re smart. I like you,” they sighed, turning so their lips almost touched his, making him swallow. “I was hoping he’d take me tonight to his place,” they hummed, baring their neck to him. “You think he’ll finally bite the bait?”

“If he doesn’t, I’d be surprised,” he replied and, when the genasi was close enough, he pushed them off. “I-I’m sorry, I c-can’t!”

“Oh, sweetheart, you were the one to throw yourself at me,” they pouted, arching their back and looking over their shoulder when the genasi arrived. “Oh! J’aise, there you are! I couldn’t find you so I was having a little fun of my own…”

“Get up, Tate,” he barked, glaring at them but Molly seemed just fine doing it slowly, rubbing against Caleb, who blushed and didn’t have to fake it. “You’re coming with me tonight.”

“Am I?” they stood in front of him, batting their eyelashes and Caleb watched the slight sparkle of triumph in their eyes as they turned to Caleb for a second. The genasi’s arm moved around their waist, tight, pulling the tiefling flush against his side. “Sorry, darling, seems I’m taken for the night.”

“For the  _ week _ ,” the genasi growled, running his nose through the side of their neck before inhaling deeply, eyes furiously possessive. Caleb wondered if he’d have to do something like that to reaffirm their marriage to Lorenzo and the Iron Shepherds and instantly, the thought of their bright red lips on his made him squirm. “ _ You _ .”

“M-me?” Caleb pretended to be scared, pointing at himself, widening his eyes and leaning his head slightly so the sweat from the heat of the club would be accented.

“What’s your name, you piece of trash?” he asked, his two guards crossing his arms and exposing his guns. Caleb also had one in the inside of his boot but instead of reaching for it, he made a whining sound of fear.

“K-Kyle Jevera,” he lied, swallowing hard, faking a Californian accent perfectly.

“Great. Now I know what to call your corpse,” he said, snapping his fingers before the two gorillas by his sides moved to Caleb, making him sigh internally. He could take on them but he'd rather draw the least attention. “Take h -”

He was cut off and Caleb's eyebrows shot up as the sight of his fellow agent kissing the genasi sensually, lips moving slow, talons holding onto his side. The two guards paused, waiting for orders as they stood near Caleb. The music pumped away as he watched his to-be partner kiss their target into calmness, lips parting from his, tongue licking across their teeth as they touched his belt with lidded eyes.

“Sorry, darling,” they said, voice breathy and dripping with need. “You just look so  _ hot _ when you're angry.”

The genasi looked almost in a trance as he watched their lips, their cleavage, their long legs and then their cleavage again. Caleb would roll his eyes were it not for the fact that he was trying not to stare at their breasts either, coughing when the genasi began to kiss them hungrily and - well, forgot all about him.

“May I leave?” Caleb asked, trying to sound as awkward as possible to the bodyguards.

“Yeah,” one snapped at him, glaring, kicking his leg as Caleb scrambled away.

He pretended to get lost in the crowd, eyes finding Agent 009’s before he lost sight of them. Two scarlet red eyes looked back at him, smug and cheeky. Molly winked at him and then Caleb was out of sight.

He found Bryce easily, since they were watching from the bar, smirking at him, taking a sip of a martini.

“I see you found them,” they said smugly into their glass.

“ _ Ja _ , I did,” he scoffed, leaning his side against the bar. “Yet they’re on a job. Why are we here?”

“Because they need to hitch a ride,” Bryce replied, shrugging. “When they’re done, of course. And we just so happen to be in Mallorca.”

“Of course,” he rolled his eyes hard, asking quickly for a drink from the bartender. “So if I may ask, where are we to pick them up?”

“AC hotel, by the south-east beach. Plaza Puente, number three,” they replied, watching him with amusement, lifting a hand to rub off some lipstick from his jaw. “I made sure they were extra pretty, you know?”

“Oh, fuck off, Bryce,” he groaned. “I know. I’m queer as hell. Is that why I was called? I don’t think so, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Well…” Bryce began, throwing him a look. “Your mission is in, ah, in need of queer people.”

Caleb frowned, turning to his boss. “What?”

“Lorenzo is queer,” they explained. “And we tried to send Fjord and Jester previously but apparently he doesn’t trust straight people - or, well, people who are in a straight relationship.”

“I mean,” Caleb sipped his drink and smirked a little. “Who trusts straight people?”

“Caleb,” Bryce warned, trying not to laugh. “Focus. It needs to be a visibly queer couple.”

“Is that why you called them?” he nodded his head to Agent 009, his eyes adjusting to the neon lights as they danced on the stage, the genasi plastered to the back of their body. He got a bit distracted by their hips, if he was honest, but he focused on the fact that it would be easy to fake attraction to them - not on how his need to be between their thighs was increasing by the minute.

“Not really,” Bryce answered honestly. “Truly, I summoned them for this mission because they’re the best at giving people flashy things and keeping them happy. Everyone looks at their face when they should be looking at their hands. That’s how Tealeaf excels at assassination.”

“Fascinating,” Caleb lied. He didn’t care for distractions or being flashy. He was all subtle movements and being ignored by everyone. “You think we’re gonna do it?”

“If anyone can, it’s you two,” Bryce smiled his way, then put their drink down, startling Caleb. “Well! Looks like they’re taking him to the hotel. We better get moving.”

Caleb’s eyes found the tiefling once more and he watched as the genasi took them out of the stage, to the back door, his hand on their ass and Caleb wondered how in fresh hell they were hiding their gun or knives. Surely a dress that revealing couldn’t hide any of that.

“Come on, Widogast,” Bryce hummed, waving him over as they walked to the exit of the club. “We’ve got much to do.”

The two left and Caleb sighed with relief as they did, his shoulders relaxing. He hated clubs. He couldn't understand how Agent 009 could do it but he was grateful that someone would.

The two secret agents took Bryce’s rented car, Caleb sitting behind the wheel as they pulled out their tablet and made a few adjustments to their time table.

“They said their name was Molly?” Caleb asked.

“Mollymauk Tealeaf, twenty four, considered one of our best agents, climbing to the top ten most successful only after you,” Bryce replied, tapping away on their tablet and missing the wide-eyed look Caleb sent them quick. “And this was only in the past two years.”

“Two years?” Caleb felt suddenly like he'd very much underestimated Mollymauk. “How?”

“Well, it's a long story,” they chuckled, slightly awkwardly. “Perhaps they'll tell you. After all, you're about to be married, right?”

“This feels like a plot from you and Jester - maybe even Nott,” Caleb mumbled, taking a turn on the left when the GPS spoke. “Are you sure this was all necessary?”

“It didn't work with Fjord and Jester,” they turned serious. “It was quite a failure, actually. And we're hoping that Mollymauk can get you two on Lorenzo’s good side so you can infiltrate his house and get all the intelligence we need.”

“I know, I know,” Caleb soothed them, hands gripping the wheel tight. “This is a chance to find Ikathon. I won't miss, Bryce.”

“I know you won't,” they smiled slightly. “You're my best agents, after all.”

Caleb hummed, turning to the right and finally seeing the hotel, and parked where Bryce guided him, at the back within a dim-lit alley by the backdoor of the building. Bryce sat back and cracked open the window, lighting a cigarette as Caleb got out of the car and leaned against it, noticing the lights of the upper-most floor as they flickered.

He supposed they were working in the attic, judging by the way Bryce leaned over and watched the last floor as well. The two stayed silent, waiting while the lights went off completely.

For half an hour, nothing passed. No words were exchanged. No sudden movements from the two M9 agents.

“They’ll be out any minute,” Bryce said when the lights went back on.

“Hm,” Caleb hummed, rubbing his stubbled chin. “Then I suppose we better get ready. That was fast.”

“Well,” Bryce inhaled with a soft laugh, moving to the backseat to rest their long legs on the other seats. “They’ve a curious way to kill.”

__________________

J’aise was a lousy, lazy lover. Molly had been uninterested since they’d begun the mission but when he began to strip they’d started to reach the end of their patience. He touched them like a child would a toy, clumsy and greedy and inexperienced and Molly faked their moans and whines. Maybe they had a little fun with acting like a brainless bimbo but nobody had to know, right?

Yet he  _ had _ to say that he didn’t eat people out. What an asshole. And right after they sucked their dick, too.

“It would’ve been  _ so _ easy to do it after I came,” Molly sighed, looking at the ceiling, the commotion outside the room delighting them since those fucking guards wouldn’t actually bother them or hear J’aise as they strangled him with their thighs. “But no, you had to be such a pillow prince. What a shame.”

J’aise choked, trying to move his body, his arms but Molly had them pinned and they tightened their thighs around his throat, eyes narrowing.

“Look, asshole, I’m about to have a very stressful night with one of the most notoriously unfun agents in the M9 - oh, don’t look so surprised! Of course I’m a fucking M9 agent,” they sighed as he slapped their thigh, trying to claw his way out of the hold. “Hm. Maybe if you’d done that before you would’ve been able to live a bit longer. And do a person a favor, too.”

“Y-you -” he wheezed, trying to breathe, face going a deep shade of maroon. “Y-y-you - who-re -”

“At least I know how to handle a dick, can  _ you  _ even handle yours?” they rolled their eyes, shifting so he’d be able to breathe slightly. “By the way, I’m not a fucking woman, okay? I kept telling you I use they/them, I’m nonbinary.”

“Fuck-k you,” he spit out, blood soaking his teeth.

“If only you would’ve,” they scoffed before rolling on the bed and hearing the snap of his neck, El Lobo de Baleares finally done with his cartel. His body went limp and Molly groaned, standing with wobbly legs, looking at their cuffed hands with annoyance. “Fucking murderers and their cheap handcuffs.”

They pouted at the room, looking around for the key but they were still presented with what to do with five armed guys waiting outside, gorillas twice their size - while they were in handcuffs and panties.

Oh right. Panties.

“Gentlepeople,” they purred as they slowly walked out to the hallway, eyes lidding, licking their lower lip as five pairs of eyes turned to them. “I am  _ so _ sorry but my partner fell asleep and the light went out and I lost sight of the keys, would any of you mind giving me some leverage? Maybe break me free?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” one of them rumbled, smirking at his coworkers as they all watched him enter the bedroom of the hotel with a jealous glint in their eyes.

As soon as the two walked in and that guard let out a sound of confusion at the body on the bed, Molly jumped on his back, stuffed their bra on his mouth and wrapped the chain of their handcuffs around his neck.

Molly hated this as of right now. All they wanted to do was curl up in their couch, maybe with Yasha and watch some ridiculous reality show in their underwear. No bras. Just badly-done quesadillas. Unfortunately, they had to deal with these five and well, strangling a man with cheap handcuffs so that he made no noise and alerted the other four guards on the other room wasn’t a good plan for Saturday night. 

But it was done and they kicked around him, taking his designer sunglasses if only to get something in return. Four left. And they couldn’t repeat the trick, either.

“Alright, it’s a partnership, fuck it,” they sighed, walking over to their purse and taking their burner phone, calling Bryce. They tapped their foot patiently and, after a moment, slammed their back into the door and gave a loud moan, making sure the others heard. 

“ _ Molly? _ ”

“Send him up, I need someone to knock on the door and give me advantage,” they whispered, going to the window and looking down at the back of the building. There was Bryce’s car and they knew Widogast would be with them. “Please? I could do it but it’s faster this way. And more discreet. I thought there’s be only three guards but there’s five - well, four now.”

“ _ Sure. But this will be on the report _ ,” their elven boss said dryly.

“Fuck, fine, whatever, I just want to go home already,” they sighed rubbing the bridge of their nose. “Cause I  _ am _ getting home after this, right?”

“ _ Sorry, Agent 009, but briefings await. You two depart tonight to Headquarters _ ,” Bryce replied.

“Gods fucking damn it,” they cursed under their breath. “So I can go out in a hail of bullets, then?”

“ _ Absolutely not _ .”

“Worth to ask, though,” they mumbled. 

“ _ He’s on his way. Pay attention, Molly. Come back alive _ .”

“As if I could come back as anything but,” they snickered, hanging up, dropping the phone and stepping on it. 

They walked over to the door and pressed their ear to the door, frowning when all they could hear was the muffled music J’aise had put on before. Damn it. They should’ve taken care of that and they were being careless today. What was wrong with them? They couldn’t make out what the guards were saying and they were still in handcuffs and where the hell had the damn genasi put the fucking key?

They kept an open ear for knocking on the other room as they searched the bedroom, finding nothing useful but  _ guns _ . Gods, they hated guns. Not their style.

The knock.

Molly rushed to the door silently, pressing their ear into it, grinning widely as they heard the guards walking towards the door to the hallway. Quietly and dexterously, the tiefling opened the bedroom door and peeked out, watching all four bumbling idiots look away from them. Perfect. 

“W - what the hell are you doing here?!” one of them spoke and Molly rushed to the stereo and almost broke the volume dial.

The guards all looked at them.

A gun was cocked.

“NOW!” they shouted, jumping on the closest one as they heard the silent shot from Widogast’s gun, the human agent making sure the front door was closed before he turned to the second guard and kneeled him in the gut.

Molly grasped the one they had jumped on and kicked his magnum from his hand, trying to catch his arms and snap his neck quick but he grasped their waist and threw them off him, grunting when their tail lashed out and cut across his face, his shout muffled by how loud  _ Eros and Apollo _ by  _ Studio Killers _ was playing.

Molly’s back connected to Widogast’s, who reloaded after killing his own guard, only two left.

“I love this song!” they laughed, running their forked tongue through their teeth.

“Focus, Agent!” Caleb snapped. “This is sloppy!”

“Then you better start learning sloppy!” they grinned, rolling as the guard shot at them and, before Caleb could try and help them, the other gorilla grasped him by the arms, trying to get to Caleb’s gun. Molly saw him holding out and decided to work on the leftover, sliding between his legs as he tried to catch them and lifting their own leg to kick him in the groin, the man falling on his knees so Molly could kick his ass and make him fall on his face.

_ Sloppy indeed _ , Molly thought as they finally were able to kick him in the face and snap his neck, wincing at the sound that made it through the room.

“Well, shit, this doesn’t look too good for my image,” they mumbled as they turned to Widogast, who was calmly trying to get out of the tight grip on him. “I promise I’m like, much better at this, I just didn’t expect -”

“Just get him off me!” Widogast snapped, eyes wide and blue and angry, German accent slipping. Oh, that’s cute.

“Sure, honey,” they hummed, walking over. The guard swallowed, seeing the predicament, and he quickly tried to change the hold he had - bad move.

Widogast stepped on his foot hard, the crunch of bones breaking echoing and as they guard was about to scream, Molly’s partner gripped his throat, pressed the gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. red splattering all over the wall.

“Ooh, harsh,” they grinned at Caleb.

Agent 005 gave them a glare, adjusting his shirt and turning down the music before looking at their cuffed hands, sighing.

“Why are you in cuffs?” he rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking tired. If only he knew the night Molly’d had.

“Because some people don’t know how safe BDSM works, that’s why,” they replied, offering their hands to him. “Won’t you do a person a favor and uncuff me?”

“Keys?” Caleb asked as he grabbed their wrists, seeing the ugly rashes on it with a wince. “Did you - did you take two down while cuffed? Where’s your gun?”

“Yes I did and I don’t carry guns,” they replied, watching how he took a lockpick from his pocket and quickly undid them. “I couldn’t carry anything in my purse, though, they would’ve searched. And what I wore wasn’t appropriate for hiding.”

Widogast seemed to realize all of a sudden that they were mostly naked, eyes unconsciously moving to their chest before looking up at the ceiling, cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. He turned his back to them as Molly giggled wildly. Unbelievable - the M9’s greatest agent and he blushed at the sight of breasts. How cute.

“Get dressed,” he told them, back to them. “Anything else to finish your mission?”

“No, I already have the intel I needed,” they shrugged, rubbing their wrists before moving to the bedroom. “This will look like a deal gone wrong and the news will cover it as such. Spain will have more tourists, the M9 will receive more fun funds from them and I’ll get enough money to do my nails for a lifetime,” they pulled on their previous outfit, wincing as they saw the rips. “Fucking hell, this is Dior.”

“Who cares? Just get dressed, I’m sure people heard the music and they’ve complained,” Widogast told them roughly, checking that he had no blood on himself before turning to them, sighing. “Really? Isn’t there anything more discreet?”

“If you slut shame me, I swear you’ll end up like them,” they stated, glaring at him enough to have Caleb look a bit ashamed, looking away. “What I wear is my fucking business, Widogast and my thing as an agent is to attract attention away from my hands and to my face and chest. So shut up.”

“Sorry,” he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck as they put on their heels, rolling their eyes. “I ah, I meant that we need to not grab attention as of now.”

“I bribed the bell boy, don’t worry, he won’t say a thing,” they hummed, finally ready, pulling their curls up into a messy bun. “Now act drunk and let’s go through the back door, they won’t notice anything.”

“Why drunk?” Caleb frowned as they walked over and buttoned his shirt wrong, running their talons through his hair and messing it up. He winced but let them work through it. This was their mission, not his and he’d already been an asshole enough.

“Because people in good hotels want drunks out real bad that they’ll look away if we leave through another door where guests don’t come in,” they replied, searching their purse for something. “Also, I didn’t say but it’s very nice to meet the M9’s greatest agent. Welcome back to the field, Agent Widogast,” they smiled at him, genuine.

Caleb felt his face burn once more and he looked away from them, clearing his throat, uncomfortably standing. They were so close to him but he couldn’t find it in him to complain about it - they were going to be  _ married  _ pretty soon so he better get used to proximity and intimate touch. 

How did one act married, anyway?

They found whatever they were looking for and Caleb watched as they applied lipstick with two quick swipes, then grasped his shirt and pressed their mouth right below his jaw, sucking a mark there.

Caleb’s every instinct told him to push them away, to grasp their wrists and shove them as far away from his body as he could, heart racing, pulse thundering on his ears. Yet his dick screamed at him to take it, to let them, to take this soon to be play-pretend to another level. Gods, they were  _ beautiful _ , that he had noticed and his queer ass closed his eyes and enjoyed for a second the pressure of their hands on his stomach and their mouth on his skin.

“Here,” they hummed as they pulled away, not noticing his inner turmoil. Or maybe they did and didn’t care. Maybe they were used to people becoming speechless with them around. “Now we look like a sloppy couple, which with all this around I think it’s pretty spot-on.”

They gestured at the bloody mess of the hotel room, laughing slightly and Caleb was tempted to touch the hickey they’d given him when lavender fingers ran through his mouth, as if wiping something off them. Caleb looked startled but they raised their hand and showed their lipstick smeared there. 

“Perfect. Now let’s get the hell out of here,” they wrapped their arms around his and leaned into him, adopting a sickeningly sweet but drunken smile. Caleb sighed and went to the door, already stumbling as well.

The exit was clean and fast.

“Well, I see you two had fun,” Bryce cocked an eyebrow from the backseat as the two agents entered the car, Caleb sighing and Molly groaning as they immediately took off their heels. “Bad night, Mollymauk?”

“I need a break,” they mumbled, untying their hair, curls tumbling around their shoulders.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Bryce laughed, leaning back as Caleb pulled away from the building, the lights from the attic going out as Molly clicked a little device in their hand. “Domestic life awaits for you two.” 

 


End file.
